I’m not sorry ahead of time for how unhinged this is.
1. too damn fuckin goddamn fuckin hot lately although at night it has been pleasant
I even got a few pictures of the stars last night because I sat down on the driveway in the dark and balanced the phone and tried to be absolutely motionless
2. I haven’t SEEN any KANGAROOS lately and I am disappoint
how dare (maybe it’s just I’m not looking at the correct time or in the correct direction)
3. but I did get to hold a stumpy-tail lizard!!!!!!!!!!!! he lives in the drain near the water tank!!!!!!!!
I am trying to leave him alone so he doesn’t get mad at me but now I know where he lives
4. I started watching two series that haven’t finished yet which is causing me -1 emotional damage every day I have to wait for the next episode to drop
my way of dealing with this is to not watch any of the new episodes at all because I need to watch all of them when it’s done all at once so I am purposely starving myself of the content I want in order to have it later; this is a problem I have created for myself
the obvious interim solution is to start another unfinished show [I am a dumbass but I’m adorable]
5. they got me FUCKED UP
the new Macklemore protest song finally showed up for me on Spotify and I keep trying not to scream along to it when I’m listening to it because I’m going to absolutely trigger everyone’s CPTSD
6. after two months of relative bliss, I started a menstrual cycle on Sunday
not only is this negative gender euphoria, it ALSO means that my n days until menopause counter has restarted again which is incredibly upsetting and makes me feel both defeated and angry
7. my goddamn hair
it’s being weirdly curly in this weather and it’s growing out such that it’s fluffy on the sides and I H A T E that for me; eventually I will have it cut but until then it’s either hat day or kerchief tied on the head day
8. flirting with music
I mean this is how I flirt although see above re: I’m a dumbass, and don’t realize that’s what I’m doing; you should go to my Spotify profile and pick a playlist I made and if you love it you should definitely tell me so that I can hide under the table and giggle
9. why did I decide I needed ten things
I CAN’T THINK OF TEN THINGS
10. wait I thought of something funny
one of my partners is in the Central time zone in the states and that means when I get to start texting them it is evening their time and have moved into the Over It stage of Becoming Unhinged and I have to say that texting with a person slowly losing screws and/or hinges is an absolute delight and I do recommend
this has been my brain on wrong hormones, I hope you enjoyed it or that you didn’t read it at all if you knew it was going to be like this
love y’all
Nix
obviously there is a song at the end:
I found my mind, I’m feelin sane
it’s been a while but I’m findin my faith
if everything’s good and it’s great
why do I sit and wait ’til it’s gone?
oh I’ll tell ya I know I’ve got enough
I’ve got peace and I’ve got love
but I’m up at night thinkin
I just might lose it all
please stay
I want you I need you oh god
don’t take
these beautiful things that I’ve got
please stay
I want you I need you oh god
don’t take
these beautiful things that I’ve got
— selection from Beautiful Things by Benson Boone
I couldn’t find the cover Han Jisung (from Stray Kids) did, so here’s the original. it’s still very good.
featured image is a photo of a stumpy-tail lizard that I found here
