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queer identity, death, hope, praxis, & song lyrics
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on Chosen Family/on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Grief/on Hope/on Mental Health

because our choices led us here

Posted on April 16, 2025 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
a dark sky with clouds and a rainbow arching down from left to right. there are some tree tops at the bottom of the image.

I don’t know what to say, really, except that this is so incredibly hard and none of us know how to get through it, not really.

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on Chosen Family/on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Grief/on Love

dissolving into Light: even the least of these

Posted on April 8, 2025 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
strands of yellow bright light swirled together across a black background

I think I’m learning that even experiencing a Mystery does not mean it can be fully comprehended. The only thing we have is what we noticed, what was revealed, and how much we can remember and map into our own hearts so that we can keep it with us.

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on Happiness/on Hope/on Queerness/Ten Things

ten things: an earthquake and the joy of fandoms

Posted on April 5, 2025 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
photoshoot of eight members of Stray Kids, all wearing black

Maybe that’s the best outcome of going places I’ve never been before. Discovering how easy it is to love the beautifulness and culture and sound of a place I’ve just begun to know.

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on Chosen Family/on Decolonizing/on Generational Trauma/on Grief/on Harm & Reciprocity/on Rage

write me out of the family bible

Posted on March 1, 2025 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
a book is standing up and actively on fire

I have no family but the one I choose. And I will choose them over and over and over again because I know what it’s like to choose the wrong thing and suffer because of it.

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on Chosen Family/on Perimenopause/Ten Things

ten things: wha’ the hail

Posted on February 25, 2025 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment
stumpy-tailed lizard. dark on top with some pale coloring on the belly and legs. texture like a pine cone.

I’m not sorry ahead of time for how unhinged this is.

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on Deathwork & Griefwork/on Grief/on Mental Health/Poems

falling out of the light {poem}

Posted on February 18, 2025 by Nix Kelley / 0 Comment

cw: poetic imagery of drowning, ideation, hopelessness

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Hi, I'm Nix!

I am a genderqueer non-binary trans person. I've trained as a death doula and am preparing to be able to do work in the future as a deathworker and griefworker. I write about death and death-adjacent things fairly often.

I am also a practicing pagan, training in the Path of Light tradition under my elder in Renewal Coven. It is an oathbound lineaged mystery tradition, and I write here about my experiences in my learning and growth from time to time.

I'm also part of a chosen family, a family I chose to be part of, which I also love to write about here.

My current special interests include music and song lyrics, kpop, K-dramas, C-dramas, reading queer fiction, and shitposting on any social media account I have available to me.

FIND ME AT:
Mastodon -- @nixkelley
Bluesky -- @nixkelley
Instagram -- @nixveritas [request to follow]
Threads --@nixveritas

MESSAGE ME:
Matrix -- @nixkelley
Signal -- @nixkelley.78
Discord -- @nixkelley
Whatsapp -- +66 92 593 9073
LINE -- nixkelley

SUBSCRIBE AND I'LL BE IN YOUR INBOX

  • Divination
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CURRENTLY READING:

I am on StoryGraph tracking my reading and the reading challenges I've joined. You can go to my StoryGraph profile if you want to see what kind of reading I'm doing right now.

CURRENTLY WATCHING:

Abyss, a K-drama on Netflix

The King: Eternal Monarch, a K-drama on Netflix

Love Game in Eastern Fantasy, a C-drama on Viki & Netflix

I have a bunch of other dramas I'm cycling through but these are the ones I'm watching more of right now.

Nix Kelley 🍉

nixveritas

#Genderqueer 🏳️‍🌈
#Neurospicy & #AuDHD 🦊
#DeathDoula: deathworker & griefworker 🖤
Seeker on the Path of Light 🌕
Order of the Good Death ⚰️
australia adventures 🦘 1: full moon in a dark australia adventures 🦘 1: full moon in a dark sky, surrounded by gum trees and breezes Only in silence the word, Only in dark the light, Only in dying life: Bright the hawk's flight On the empty sky. —The Creation of Éa Ursula K. Le Guin #FullMoon #AustraliaAtNight
australia adventures 🦘 this is red clay and gu australia adventures 🦘 this is red clay and gum trees and other types of flora that I haven't learned the names of yet. an overcast day with cooler air and many MANY birds loudly calling and talking to one another. I didn't realize how sarcastic crows can sound. 😂 1: the view of trees, small bushes, and red dirt where the birds usually congregate. 2: another view of gum trees with a glimpse of a blue towel hanging on the line to dry. today I had a difficult experience with temperature regulation and I'm having to treat myself extremely carefully. a heat-related flare drains almost all my energy, and once I begin to come out of it I'll be shaky and disoriented, plus bonus crying that comes from the deep grief of being a disabled person who needs help -- when I neither want to be disabled *or* want to need that much help or intervention. I know it's okay for my community to do care work for me, and I do care work for them too, but it's so hard on days like this. but it's beautiful here even when it hurts. 🖤 #australia #AustraliaAdventures #NoKangaroosYet
australia photo dump 🦘 1: waxing gibbous moon australia photo dump 🦘 1: waxing gibbous moon & one single star in the dark night of the southern hemisphere (the night air feels amazing) 2: IT'S ME in our motel room where Bee & I stayed for a few days in a wee adorable town after we arrived at our AU Base; I'm smiling and my tattoo is visible; behind me is the half-shaded window full of light with greenery outside 3: I converted to the church of nescafe instant cappuccino in Ireland and it's just. delicious. this photo is before I drank it all lol 4: a giant pastry filled with apples and REAL CREAM, in a lovely bakery in Bendigo; no I could not finish it, but I tried 5: some of the small town storefronts seen through the window while we waited for a bit of breakfast; very US wild west looking architecture here and there 6: breakfast! scrambled eggs in a ramekin with a spoon, toast with marmalade, and real actual bacon; not pictured is the toast I bravely spread with Vegemite and managed to eat most of 7: a blurry video of the in-flight live map showing the flight path from DFW to Sydney; a long-ass flight over the Pacific and beyond I keep forgetting to take more pictures, but that's partly because I'm still getting used to the heat and how it ebbs & flows through the day. right now I am in my cozy tent (it's a canopy tent that's like a little square room all my own, with luggage and a real bed and various things arranged around) waiting to feel sleepy enough to go to bed. I'm listening to music and feeling the breeze, and seeing the moon on my way into the house to the bathroom made me want to stay up all night and just look at the stars. I never thought I'd get to see the night sky in the southern hemisphere. this all by itself, just that photo of the moon, is a gift I will hold close to my heart as long as I live. #australia #MaybeNextTimeSomeKangaroos
just picked up my coffee cup and the coffee was GO just picked up my coffee cup and the coffee was GONE because I already drank it RIP
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... when Skywoman arrived here, she did not come alone. She was pregnant. Knowing her grandchildren would inherit the world she left behind, she did not work for flourishing in her time only. It was through her actions of reciprocity, the give and take with the land, that the original immigrant became indigenous. For all of us, becoming indigenous to a place means living as if your children's future mattered, to take care of the land as if our lives, both material and spiritual, depended on it.

-- excerpt from Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

remember who you are

It is our suffering that brings us together. It is not love. Love does not obey the mind, and turns to hate when forced. The bond that binds us is beyond choice. We are brothers. We are brothers in what we share. In pain, which each of us must suffer alone, in hunger, in poverty, in hope, we know our brotherhood. We know it, because we have had to learn it. We know that there is no help for us but from one another, that no hand will save us if we do not reach out our hand. And the hand that you reach out is empty, as mine is. You have nothing. You possess nothing. You own nothing. You are free. All you have is what you are, and what you give.

-- excerpt from The Dispossessed: an Ambiguous Utopia by Ursula K. LeGuin

© the Infinite + Phoenix Veritas Kelley
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